How about some rain for a change?

I shouldn't complain about rain, really. We've just come out of a massively long drought and now everyone's whinging that it has rained non stop all summer. Which it has. Not just occasional showers, but heavy, thundery, drenching down pours where the storm clouds roll boiling across the sky and the air is leaden and humid and just exhausting somehow.

The kids are all back at school and are mostly settled and happy. I say mostly because (naturally) Ruby has started the year with her annual scream fest of bad behaviour that leaves me alternating between being angry at her and angry at myself for being angry at her. But it is just so draining and so, so discouraging to be dragging my feet through this concrete again, where every single thing is a battle. Is it breakfast? She doesn't want that cereal (even though she ate it yesterday), so immediate screaming. She wants to go to the pool? There is a thunder storm, we can't go, immediate screaming. Bath time? She doesn't want to be first! (or second, or third) I know, let's scream! Bedtime? How about a bit of screaming over story choices (no, no, NO!), the state of the covers, the drink of water etc etc. Then don't even get me started on the middle of the night screaming.

It sounds like either Ruby is a completely horrible child, or that I am the most useless and horrible mother ever. And many times I feel that I am. But, she is always well behaved at school, she is so kind and gentle with her friends, so delightful and polite and funny at other people's houses. At home, when there is no screaming, she is just gorgeous to be with. We do cooking together, read stories, watch reruns of Little House on the Prairie, laugh at the silly things the dog does....

Is it a mother/daughter thing? A girl thing? A youngest child thing?

I think it's just Ruby. And I'm sure I could be more patient, more understanding, more.... anything. But I'm old and I'm tired now.