July

I love the way the liquid amber tree in the next door neighbour's yard looks at this time of year. All it's leaves gone, it stands stark against the pale blue winter's sky as the sun sets behind it. But already I can make out the tiny new buds peppering the twigs. We are half way through winter and I am thinking of spring.

Two birthdays have just gone by- Simon's and mine. Simon is now 9 years old, and is ripping his way out of childhood. I have been transferring old home movies onto tapes, and so have been watching scenes from his and Declan's babyhoods. My God! Where did those babies go? I study those film babies to see if I can catch a glimpse of who they have become. Declan's laugh is the same, Simon's 'serious' face was a part of him at 18 months. But those chubby cheeks and the golden, golden hair and the little high voices... Oh, I miss them, and don't miss them all at the same time. Simon is not so physically available to me anymore. He doesn't ask for cuddles or kisses anymore, at least very rarely, and ducks his head away when I try to kiss him goodbye at school. I have to remind myself to grab him and hug him, even if he doesn't want it. I don't want to lose the habit of it, and I know that it is easy to do that, the way I did with my parents.

So school holidays are upon us once more! I am glad, this last term seemed to go on forever and ever. We don't have anything really planned, but I think next week the kids are going to spend a couple of days at my parent's place. Ruby wants to take her ABBA greatest hits CD...

Collapse

The ills of winter are truly upon us. The past week has been really cold- I heard on the news it was the coldest it has been in some 40 years, and we really felt it! Icy westerly winds and no sun. Brrrrr.

Poor old Dex has had a bad week. Sunday before last he had a fever and a cough, but seemed otherwise fine. On Monday morning he woke up, said he was feeling better, got up and 5 minutes later collapsed unconscious on the floor! He and Simon had been in the study on the computer, and apparently Declan had just slumped forward, hit his head on the keyboard and then fallen onto the floor. By the time I got there 30 seconds later he had started to come round, but had no recollection of the event. In fact he had thought he had been downstairs eating breakfast! So, naturally it was off to the hospital (it was a public holiday, and as tradition calls for, I am doomed to spend these days at the hospital) where we stayed allllllll day long while the doctors ran plenty of tests on Declan- blood tests, chest xray, ECG, neurological tests, and in the end they came up with nothing. Just a faint. So of course we were very relieved about that. Dexie spent the whole week at home with me, he still had fevers and a cough, and was really low until about Friday. We saw our own GP on Wednesday who confirmed that it was just a virus to be waited out.

Also about Declan- he is doing so well with that night time alarm thingy for his bedwetting. We are up to 7 nights straight with dry pants! Yippeeee!!!! Once we get to 14 consecutive nights we can call it a success.

This morning I got out of the shower, and as usual, Ruby was sitting on the step at the sink, supervising me. When I got out she said "Oh mum! You look just like a jellyfish, cos you wobble when you walk." Aren't children lovely with their honesty?

sliding

I feel sometimes like I'm climbing a hill of slippery, slimy mud. I'll be going alright for a while and then suddenly find myself sliding backwards, trying to grab a handhold before I hit the ground. I really don't know how mothers who work outside the home full time do it, I really don't. Hats off to them, their organisational skills must be phenomenal. I am scared to think what things will be like around here next year when (if) I go back to Uni. Just looking at the amount of doctor's/ dentist/ urologist/psychologist appointments, the things at school (open classroooms, canteen, reading groups), football training, guitar lessons, homework... blah blah blah. Oh, and the cooking, making lunches, shopping, washing, folding, sorting, cleaning, driving people around. Who is going to do all that? Who is going to sit with the kids as they do their homework? Who's going to pick them up from school? I am trusting to faith that it will all work out.

On another note, Brett's knees are now healed. He had to stay off work for a week, but he seems pretty good now. A lesson learnt!

It's late and I'm waiting up for Brett, who is at the hospital. He has terrible chemical burns to both knees, caused by kneeling in wet cement for several hours yesterday, while he was laying the slab for his new shed. Sometimes the DIY way ain't always the best....

Last night his knees were red and painful and I made him wash the skin with vinegar to try and neutralise the alkalinity of the lime in the cement, but I guess the damage was already done because they are getting worse. This morning i drove him to the doctor, who put him on antibiotics, but by this evening his left knee was blown up like a ballon and he was in a dreadful pain. I rang his dad and asked him to take him to the hospital. That was 4 hours ago, last I heard he was still waiting to be seen, though the nurse had given him some pain relief. I dunno... men!

An Alarming Night.

Declan is now taking part in the NEAT study- the Nocturnal Enuresis Alarm Therapy study, to try and get him dry at night. Now that the medication he is on is working so well during the day, it makes sense to try and get him out of night nappies. Up until recently I don't think he really cared about it, but the past couple of months Declan has been asking questions about why he still has nappies and the other kids don't. We were lucky enough to qualify for this clinical study being run through Westmead Kids Hospital, where he goes for his appointments. It means that we get an alarm for free for 4 months, in return for keeping a record of his progress. Basically the alarm has a sensor that senses fluid, so in the night if Declan does a wee the sensor (which is wireless) sets off the alarm. Last night was the first time we set it up, and I am hoping and praying that it works quickly because it is bloody awful! The alarm sounds like shooting on a computer game, all powpowpow eeeeeeee eeeeee whooooooopwhooooooooop over and over again. This is supposed to wake Declan, who then needs to press a button on the alarm, which will then playback a recording of a key word that i had made earlier. This is to test whether or not he has properly woken- if he remembers the word the next day, then he has. After listening to the word he is supposed to go to the loo to finish the wee. Then we reset the sensor and the alarm, and it's back to bed.

So, last night I was expecting some disturbance, but what I wasn't expecting was the bloody smoke alarm to go off at 2.03am! It only went off because the batteries are going flat, so it beeps for 5 seconds in a cycle until you replace the battery. We had to get up to fix that up. Back to bed for an hour, and then next thing I knew was Declan's alarm starting. It is LOUD. But not loud enough, apparently, to wake Brett, who slept peacefully through it all until I was just about ready to come back to bed, after getting Declan up, changing his pyjamas, setting the alarm again and trying to convince Simon that he had not been listening to the alarm for the past 5 hours.

I am considering swapping Declan into Ruby's room, and Ruby in with Simon while we do this alarm thing, as it is really disruptive. The thought of it night after night just depresses me, quite frankly- I still get up to Ruby at least once every night as well, and I am tired all the time. Hopefully it will work quite quickly- the doctor told me that if it is going to work it should only take a short time. I sincerely hope she is right!

Modern Art

In my opinion, modern art can be fairly crap. Not that I'm an expert of course, but after a visit to the Museum of Modern Art in Sydney last weekend, I am still shaking my head at what is considered 'art'. Maybe I am not as discerning as some people, or as cultured, but to my mind, a tin of paint, sitting on top of a white stool, is not art. That was exactly what one of the pieces was- an unopened tin of Dulux white house paint, $50 at any hardware store, on a stool. The sign next to it read "this tin of paint represents a painting yet to be painted." Mmmhmmm. Now I'm sorry, but that is just a load of shite.

Happy Easter!

A little person appeared next to my bedside this morning at 6.03am whispering, "Has the Easter Bunny been yet?" Thankfully, he had! Happy Easter to everyone. (please note Ruby's new special photo smile, special, isn't it?)