July

I love the way the liquid amber tree in the next door neighbour's yard looks at this time of year. All it's leaves gone, it stands stark against the pale blue winter's sky as the sun sets behind it. But already I can make out the tiny new buds peppering the twigs. We are half way through winter and I am thinking of spring.

Two birthdays have just gone by- Simon's and mine. Simon is now 9 years old, and is ripping his way out of childhood. I have been transferring old home movies onto tapes, and so have been watching scenes from his and Declan's babyhoods. My God! Where did those babies go? I study those film babies to see if I can catch a glimpse of who they have become. Declan's laugh is the same, Simon's 'serious' face was a part of him at 18 months. But those chubby cheeks and the golden, golden hair and the little high voices... Oh, I miss them, and don't miss them all at the same time. Simon is not so physically available to me anymore. He doesn't ask for cuddles or kisses anymore, at least very rarely, and ducks his head away when I try to kiss him goodbye at school. I have to remind myself to grab him and hug him, even if he doesn't want it. I don't want to lose the habit of it, and I know that it is easy to do that, the way I did with my parents.

So school holidays are upon us once more! I am glad, this last term seemed to go on forever and ever. We don't have anything really planned, but I think next week the kids are going to spend a couple of days at my parent's place. Ruby wants to take her ABBA greatest hits CD...