Reality

So I have started to organise a few things, like enrolment, orientation etc etc. Basically, this Thursday Simon and Declan start back at school. Ruby diesn't go until the following Wednesday. When school starts again I will go up to the After School Care place and find out about enrolling them, starting the 1st March. Actually I think I'll start them the week before, so they can get used to the routine, and I'll still be here in case of a problem. (Obviously this is purely for my own peace of mind, as hundreds of kids have been to after school care without any drama whatsoever. But I want to see with my own eyes them getting on that bus in the afternoon, at least for the first day.) I have to go up to the uni on the 9th of Fed for my enrolment session. It takes about 1 1/2 hours on the train, that is the major hurdle to all of this. Then on the 26th Feb I have to be there all day for orientation. I start classes on the 1st March, and I will be there mon- thurs. The earliest I have to leave home is 6.30am, the latest I should get back is 6.30pm. So 2 days a week I have to somehow find someone to take the kids to school for me, if Brett can drop them to whoever can do it by 7.30am, as that is the latest he can leave for work. At the moment it looks as though every Tuesday Brett will be home early and can get them from school. I will be home every Friday.

In addition to all of this- dinners, homework, laundry, cleaning, school lunches, doctor's appointments, bedtime stories, etc etc etc. That's not counting my study time. At least I'll have the travel time to read on the train.

I keep reminding myself that these arrangements are only for the first semester, and it will change again in august. Also the university year only runs from March to November. And part of the time I will be at the hospital here on prac. As time goes on, I will be spending less time on campus, so that will make things a little easier I hope.

But, oh, my heart is still full of guilt and misgivings, even though I am truly excited and enthusiastic about everything. But I feel like I am abandoning my children. I will be all the way up in Sydney, relying on public transport. And Brett is a 50 minute drive away from them too. What if something happened? It would be at least 2 hours before I caould get back to Wollongong. I know that there are friends and family here who would be available, but it is still something that weighs on my mind. I think a lot of it is to do with the fact that I have had primary care of these babies of mine for 10 years now, and I have been within arms reach of them almost all the time. This is such a change for me, but in reality it is no different from what many women do every day. And once my degree is finished I will only be applying for part time work, so if we can ride out the next 3 years, I think that will seem like a doddle!