7 years

Seven years ago I sat, heavily pregnant, on my bed and thought to myself, one day this will just be a memory. I still could not imagine becoming a mother to a baby, and certainly not a mother to a real, actual KID!!! But here I am, seven years later. The fastest 7 years of my life.

When Simon was born I had no idea that life could be so incredibly scary. I had never, ever worried as much in my whole life as I did when he arrived. I was totally convinced that he would simply drop dead one day while I wasn't looking. How could the government allow me to take this little baby home with me? But, fortunately he survived and I didn't kill him with all the mistakes I made. He actually grew into a child! Who knew?

I still worry and obsess over every possible disaster. News stories just give me something else to add to my list. Tsunamis! That's a new one. Better file that away. But i have relaxed a little over the years. I didn't worry half so much about Ruby as I did about Simon, and it was a far more pleasant experience. (and she kept breathing!)

I've always seen 7 year olds as official Big Kids. They are no longer toddlers, or pre schoolers, or kindergarteners. 7 year olds are cool, they have their own secret worlds. Simon blushed yesterday because a girl drew a love heart on his birthday card. And slowly, slowly, this tiny little boy who appeared at 8.59am on a cold Sunday morning 7 years ago is growing away from me. In some ways it's a relief, he was such an intense little thing and he drained me. I am wistful for those baby days, but never wish for them again. Still, a part of me will always want to gather him up and keep him safe. To which I'm sure he would reply "Awwww.... mum....!"